Friday, February 22, 2008

Alternate History: 1865 through 2008 (Yes, I'm Bored)

This is a fun bit of alternate history writing I did in 5 minutes when a friend posed that age-old rhetorical question in an email, "What if Lincoln had not been killed?" Since it's my last week at my current job, and thus, I find myself with some extra time... I gave the following response. Remember, I am the Conservative Futurist... and apparently, somewhat nerdy.

Q: [Regarding the state of Secret service protection, or lack thereof in 1865] "Had someone put up a fight & said, 'Uhm, dude, half the country hates you, and there was an attempt on your life in Baltimore a while back, so you don't have a say in this anymore,' I wonder if things might have been different that nasty night in April 1865?"

A: [My silly response] Friend, I've been to that universe and it's not fun. Lincoln lived to the ripe age of 82, and in that time became a dedicated pacifist and ended up leading the "American Peace Party," which was swept into power in 1868 by landslide margins. Due to the losses of party members to the new APP, the democratic party withered away and was eventually replaced by the American Communist Party in 1912. The "Leninists" as they were first called, knocked the APP out of power in 1912. They formed a new alliance with Russia (which later became the Soviet Union), and entered into a contract with the Soviets in 1921 to buy military equipment (The US was pacifist and didn't have a military) after Germany took over western Europe in the "Great War." In 1938, a man named Hitler rose to power and invaded Moscow on a warm spring day the next year. Russia fell, and with it, support for the US military. Germany and Japan allied forces and invaded the American west coast on January 1, 1940. Washington was captured 3 months later. In 1951, The 4th Reich tested a nuclear weapon in the Nevada desert. In 1960, a young man named John Kennedy attempted to overthrow the German Prefecture in Boston. As a result, the German Pro-Consul for the American Germany was killed. In response, the new Fuhrer in Berlin, Heinrich Himmler (who acceded to the post after Hitler's death from syphilis), ordered a nuclear detonation in Boston. When Americans in Chicago and Miami rioted in protest, those cities were destroyed as well. This led to the "Great Plague of 1965" which killed millions of Americans living in the 4th Reich, and eventually spread across the world. Ironically, Himmler was killed by one of the American super-flus, which led to a power struggle. In the confusion, the German economy collapsed, leading to an attack from China and India. In the short war, Berlin was destroyed. The 4th Reich in America collapsed leaving most of North America in a 3rd world state. In 1988, a man named Ronald Reagan - the local leader of a west coast drama club - led a group of men to San Francisco where they established the Nation of Jefferson (formerly California, Oregon and Washington). There they established relations with the closed territory of Deseret (a geographic area run by Mormons in the Rocky Mountains), and begun the process of forming a new nation. In 1999, the Federated States of America was formed, with Ronald Reagan as Prime Minister. In 2008, the FSA was recovering from the war, and had a 50% illiteracy rate, and a 30% infant mortality rate. Things continued to improve with the election of Prime Minister Rice - the first black person and woman ever to be elected to high office in the Americas. She opened the borders to Indian and Chinese help in the form of advanced electronics and medical care. At last census, the FSA had a population of 92 million, and had the world's 76th largest economy.


BSG said...

I don't get it.

BSG said...

You're slacking. What, are you the only person who leaves the private sector to work for the government and becomes BUSIER? Say it ain't so.

See, I can "make joke" like this because I used to work for the government, kinda like black people can make fun of black people and it's cool like that.

You better approve this comment, Big Brother.