Is That a Carbon Footprint Underneath Your Scurvy-laden Legs?

Bet you didn't know that carbon footprint of yours would end up making you walk like a pirate, did ya? Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but isn't that what Elizabeth Edwards is doing by trying to prove you can save the environment by screwing the tangerine producers? Heavens! Those greedy SOBs are killing the world just to bring you some vitamin C... they must be stopped!

This is the kind of mass hysteria that will end up screwing not just the tangerine producers, but anyone who leaves a "carbon footprint" of any kind (i.e. YOU). It absolutely cannot be dealt with on a rational level. Well, unless you're The Goracle. If you're him, all you need to do is buy some carbon credits, and you can pollute the world as much as you want. But as for the rest of us, we need to do what he says. After all, he made a movie about global warming, so it must be true!